Words flashed before my eyes as I stare on the same but empty ground. I feel nothing but despair and I couldn’t contain what I am feeling. How I wish I could daydream or imagine happy things but how, when all I can think about was how I’ve been wasted and all I can feel was the sadness in the deepest part of my soul. The bell rang and I was the first person to get out of the dreary room. I walked lifelessly and forced to smile behind my tired eyes. Sitting outside the room, I heard those mixed happy voices of people. I suddenly felt a weird resentment to them, to people that can scream and laugh all they want without worrying the likes of me. As I watch those people, I saw lovers leaning against the railings and holding each other’s hands while gazing at each other. Anyone can really tell that they’re genuinely happy by just looking at their eyes. The bell rang again and as those couple bid goodbyes, I can tell that they are still longing for each other’s time and company. Didn’t they realize how lucky they are to have someone to talk to, eat ice cream with, lean on, hold hands and share your feelings with? It would really be fantastically cloud nine if you have someone like that. I sat on my chair holding my pen and writing this. I set my eyes on the window, watching the heavy rain falling through with its soothing sound. Out of the blue, I felt the desire of standing under the rain, feeling the raindrops touch my skin as if it would wash away the pain I’m feeling. Hours of emptiness passed and I walked along the busy corridor, heading home. I rode a jeepney trying to hide the pain with a sweet smile, but it soon faded as a proverbial person entered the vehicle. It was the girl of her dreams, the love of his life, and the reason of behind my pain. Awkward silence covered the vehicle until I heard her say his name. My heart sank as I witness how cheerful she was every time that name eludes from her mouth. How I wish I can go back when I didn’t know anything about this. I got off the vehicle and walked towards our office. Before I notice, tears fell before my eyes. I can feel my lips trembling as I stare at my phone, looking at the messages he sent. I fell on the ground as my whole body felt numb. Still staring at those to-fall-for words, I lay all of my courage as my hands quiver when I tried to hit the delete button. Another tear fell as I close my eyes and finally, pressed it. With those memories gone, I am now left with nothing. I opened up my eyes to an empty room, feeling blue with the emptiness that shadowed me. I just can’t wipe him out of my mind. Another day passed by, there’s no more him and I. He was like the rain that falls but suddenly stops, the air I just can’t touch, and an entity deep inside my fantasies. My skin felt the cold morning breeze as I walk in this lonely corridor when familiar footsteps came near me. It was him, the guy who shattered my heart into pieces, but I still loved him after everything that has happened. He wasn’t there to approach or ask something of me, he was there to simply walk and get busy. I lowered my head and continued to walk in awkward silence. I held my head up to see a glimpse of the man who killed my eyes and stabbed my heart with those bulldozer words. For the nth time, I saw his sinister pale skin with those warped lips and plain brown eyes behind those creepy black-framed eyeglasses lips and he, walking like a robot. I left my fears and approached and said to him with my sweet smile a warm “Hello” then quietly walked away. Was he really just a fantasy, or the reality I fear to face? Nevertheless, I should bear in mind to get my hopes up and face my unfortunate reality ––– or fantasy…

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Sequel